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A humorous look at how to identify F1 Drivers

by on August 13, 2013

Well here we are, in the doldrums of  the F1 summer break.  Just under two weeks away from the next Grand Prix and far too long has passed since the last one.  We’re all suffering from a bit of the F1 shakes.  My F1 fever is reaching temperatures hot enough to melt Pirelli super soft compound P-Zeros straight off the rim.

In an effort to inject some fun in this rather dull lull, I’ve decided to resurrect this old post.  It’s simply a  humorous look at how to identify F1 Drivers.

Please don’t take of this seriously folks, it is all done in fun and jest.

Fernando Alonso : Usually not happy when not training or driving his Ferrari. Wears his emotions on his sleeve and is easily disappointed when his hat does not fit.

Alonso alonso-1

Jules Bianchi: May seem confused about how he ended up on the F1 grid but will appear quite  happy to be there

Bianchi Bianchi-1

Valtteri Bottas : Can be found listening to Finnish rap music or French engine symphonies. Often struggles to place his ear buds in.

Bottas bottas-1

Jenson Button: Very jolly, sinister smile, fan favorite.  Can be found running, swimming and cycling around aimlessly when not in his car.

Buttonbutton-1

Max Chilton: Usually found near an electrical outlet, has a bad habit of inserting his fingers in them.  His hair is often a dead give-away that he has been at it again.

Chilton chilton-1

Paul Di Resta: Is not a fan of Bollywood show tunes and has a constant fear of dropping his headset.

DiResta DiResta-1

Romain Grosjean: Often found holding his head while uttering the phrase, “WOW what happened”

Grosjean Grosjean-1

Estaben Gutierez: Newbie to F1, is often found either imitating Sebastian Vettel or pointing upward to Charlie Whiting’s race control tower, we’re not quite certain which of the two it may actually be.

Gut Gut-1

Lewis Hamilton: Refuses to drive any car not powered by Mercedes which is not grey or silver. Has recently grown a beard in the shape of a chin strap and maybe in the company of a dog named Roscoe

Hamilton Hamilton-1

Nico Hulkenberg: Very focused or in need of spectacles or sun shades as he seems to squint a lot.

Hulkenberg Hulkenberg-1

Kimi Räikkönen: Also known as “The Ice Man”, drives very fast, avoids eye contact, does not like being interviewed, has been known to disguise himself as a Gorilla, enjoys ice cream and Coca-Cola.  He is still working on his English vocabulary, is best known for his catch phrase, “Leave me alone, I know what I’m doing”.

Kimi Kimi-1

Pastor Maldonado: Usually making funny faces in pit lane or on the Podium while gesturing  in order to confuse his rivals.

Maldonado Maldonado-1

Felipe Massa: Dressed in red, found smiling for at least one more season.

Massa massa-1

Sergio Perez: Often found in or around either Jenson Button or the McLaren garage. Very friendly and smiles often.

Perezperez-1

Charles Pic: Voted most likely to have a bad hair day, often creeps out fellow drivers with awkward stares, popular with young ladies.

Pic Pic

Daniel Ricciardo: Rumoured to be a big Richard Nixon fan, life of the party and always in a good mood. Hard to miss and always the last one out of the pool.

Ricciardo Ricciardo-1

Nico Rosberg:  Confused young German driver, son of former F1 champion Keke who was born in Sweden but raced as a Finn.  Nico does not seem to enjoy champagne.

Rosberg Rosberg-1

Adrian Sutil: Holds his head and plugs his ears to block the voices in his head from escaping.  Does not enjoy night clubs. May not appear in China.  Will be driving for a team sponsored by an alcoholic beverage company and airline.

Sutil Sahara Force India Formula One driver Adrian Sutil of Germany covers his ears during the first practice session of the South Korean F1 Grand Prix at the Korea International Circuit in Yeongam October 14, 2011.

Giedo van der Garde: New to F1, easily confused by all the buttons on his steering wheel. Often looks puzzled.

VanDerGarde VanDerGarde-1

Jean-Eric Vergne: Usually found sipping his preferred caffeine injected energy beverage and always seems to be in a hurry.

Vergne Vergne

Sebastian Vettel: Usually found with at least one finger pointing upwards.  It has become a habit, noticed on the last lap of races, after qualifying, on the podium and in pit lane.  Rivals are not amused by this.

Vettel vettel-1

Mark Webber: Also referred to as Aussie Grit and Webberoo, is straight forward and dedicated.  Often found wandering in bewilderment of how his car is most likely to suffer a failure when he seems to be in the title hunt.

Webber webber-1

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