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2014 F1 Drivers Guide for @ScarbsF1

by on February 28, 2014

A Humorous Look At How to Identify F1 drivers in 2014 for my mate Craig Scarborough

It appears this may become an annual feature.  It was a huge hit last season thanks to Craig Scarborough for inspiring the idea.  As requested Scarbsie, this is for you.

Fernando Alonso

ALO#14, can be easily identified in his red suit either celebrating enthusiastically, wearing a frown, in a deep pensive state or experimenting as media in preparation for a career switch.

Valteri Bottas

BOT

#77, does not like the smell of the new Pirelli tyres.  He can often be found holding his breath through the paddock or practicing his podium jumps.

Jenson Button

BUT

#22, Has just gotten engaged and can be either spotted in a state of pre-marital bliss or practicing life as a married man with both ears plugged and a blank stare on his face.

Max Chilton

CHI

#4, is easily identifiable as he can often be found studying his MR03, sniffing exhaust fumes or squatting behind his car as if he is hiding from Jules Bianchi.

Marcus Ericsson

ERI

#9, F1 rookie, loves his sleep.  He can be found sneaking a cat-nap when not behind the wheel.

Romain Grosjean

GRO

#8 is never far from his bottle of BURN Energy Drink.  The effects of which can be seen in this “before and after” photo sequence above.

Esteban Gutierrez

GUT

#21, is always found wearing or fiddling with his ear-buds, ear-plugs or radio headset. Rarely found without something in or on his ears.

Nico Hulkenberg

HUL

#27, a.k.a. the HULK, is usually in the company of a pretty lady. He is notorious for making inappropriate use of his microphone (look closely).

Jean-Eric Vergne

JEV

#25, Jean-Eric can’t be missed. He is in a constant daze, with a glazed look on his face.  It is widely believed that he is in disbelief over having been passed over by Red Bull Racing.

Jules Bianchi

JUL

#17, The Marussia driver is very health conscious. He is usually smiling or enjoying his favorite juice box.

Kamui Kobauashi

KOB

#10, making a comeback to Formula 1 with Team Green (Caterham), the Japanese superstar and fan favorite referred to as Kobay, can be spotted from time to time imitating Bernie Ecclestone or in disguise wearing oversize sunglasses.

Daniil Kvyat

KVY

 #26, another F1 rookie always looking to catch some kip. Happy to crash anywhere anytime.

Lewis Hamilton

LEW

#44, rarely found without his Blackberry in hand “Snappin’ Selfies”, or in the company of his companion Roscoe.

Kevin Magnussen

MAG

#20, this F1 rookie does not believe in sleeping.  He is never far from McLaren team mate Jenson Button.  Can usually be found observing him closely so he can meet a lovely young lady like Button’s fiancée Jessica Michibata

Pastor Maldonado

MAL

#13, the ultimate joker.  Always in a good mood, can be spotted “fueling is fire” with @Burn or fooling people into believing he’s listening to music when he’s really just wearing ear-plugs.

Felipe Massa

MAS

#19, the lone Brazilian, draped in blue wearing a disturbed or concerned look.  He can be found glancing at photos of his new car on his mobile phone, thinking of a way to explain the nose of his new Williams to his wife….

Sergio Perez

PER

#11, known as the ”Spicy Mexican”. Beware, he is constantly trying to serve up bowls of inferno chilly (ask Will Buxton). This season he’ll be listening to Bollywood hits and trying to learn Indian as a second language.

Kimi Raikkonen

RAI

#7, back in red, making his second home in Maranello in 2014. He can be found avoiding eye contact with everyone or pondering the meaning of “two roosters in the hen house” in media scrums.

Daniel Ricciardo

RIC

#3, the smiling Aussie is very alert and paranoid.  Afraid someone may take his Red Bull seat, he can be found marking his territory at every opportunity.

Nico Rosberg

ROS

#6, can be spotted imitating Mercedes AMG team mate Lewis with his Blackberry in hand “Snappin’ Selfies” or sucking Monster Energy Drink through his bendy straw while listening to Hamilton’s R&B or rap music.

Adrian Sutil

SUT

#99, subconsciously aware that he’s driving Sauber’s “50 Shades of Grey”, he can be identified by his wide array of fashionable eyewear. Some say, he’s hiding from the original #99 Wayne Gretzky and that his eyebrows are painted on.  All we know is, he’s not the Stig.

Sebastian Vettel

VET

#1, tired of being known as “The Finger”, Vettel can be spotted in the paddock easily as he is eager to show everyone that he in fact can use more than just one finger. (Not the one Mark Webber likes to use)

Team Constructor  Car # Driver
Caterham F1 Team Caterham–Renault CT05 9  Marcus Ericsson
10  Kamui Kobayashi
Scuderia Ferrari Ferrari F14 T 7  Kimi Räikkönen
14  Fernando Alonso
Sahara Force India F1 Team Force India–Mercedes VJM07 11  Sergio Pérez
27  Nico Hülkenberg
Lotus F1 Team Lotus–Renault E22 8  Romain Grosjean
13  Pastor Maldonado
Marussia F1 Team Marussia–Ferrari MR03 4  Max Chilton
17  Jules Bianchi
McLaren Mercedes McLaren–Mercedes MP4-29 20  Kevin Magnussen
22  Jenson Button
Mercedes AMG Petronas F1 Team Mercedes F1 W05 6  Nico Rosberg
44  Lewis Hamilton
Infiniti Red Bull Racing Red Bull–Renault RB10 1  Sebastian Vettel
3  Daniel Ricciardo
Sauber F1 Team Sauber–Ferrari C33 21  Esteban Gutiérrez
99  Adrian Sutil
Scuderia Toro Rosso Toro Rosso–Renault STR9 25  Jean-Éric Vergne
26  Daniil Kvyat
Williams F1 Team Williams–Mercedes FW36 19  Felipe Massa
77  Valtteri Bottas
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